The beach. The VIP section at Mansion. The express lane at Publix.
And now: a hotel ballroom near the airport.
Because today we’d like to tell you about the Miami Cougar Convention, a massive gathering of females in their sexual prime and the young men who love them, happening this Thursday in the majestic confines of the Embassy Suites Miami International Airport hotel.
First of all: don’t look too deep into the reasons for an event like this. Just ask yourself if you’ve ever been attracted to a 38-year-old divorcée who may or may not have had a consultation with a Botox needle.
If the answer is yes (or even a strong maybe), you’ll want to show up around 7:30pm and mingle with hundreds of would-be Mrs. Robinsons, admiring the latest in leopard-print fashion and drawing inspiration from the keynote address, “Younger Men/Older Women: The Ideal Combination.”
While someone ships the video of this speech off to the Smithsonian, you’ll grab a couple of cocktails and head out onto the dance floor, where a no-holds-barred, no-cultural-mores-recognized party will blast off and keep going until around midnight. (If things get extra feisty, we should mention that there are rooms to rent.)
At some point you’ll witness the crowning of Miss Cougar Miami. And should you feel this is just the beginning of your journey into MILF-dom, you can hop on the International Cougar Cruise setting sail the next morning for the Bahamas.
What happens on the Cougar Cruise stays on the Cougar Cruise.