You see, tucked away at an undisclosed location, there’s a brutal new weeklong fitness retreat that’s like The Biggest Loser meets Barry’s Bootcamp.
Welcome to The Ranch at Live Oak Malibu, now taking reservations for its September debut.
You’ll find this innocent-looking collection of 14 private cottages up in the Santa Monica mountains, where nobody can hear you scream. It may look like a nature-y vacation, but really you’ll be submitting yourself to a grueling seven-day schedule that’s something like the following: hike for five hours, work on your abs, eat some vegetables, hit the weights and, finally, grab an afternoon massage. Then probably some more working out. That’s day one.
There are no opt-outs, no excuses and no steaks—everybody’s on the same structured program, and nobody’s getting any meat. But considering this is Malibu, and the website takes pains to assist with directions for clients arriving by private jet, it’s safe to guess that you may find yourself bonding with the incredibly rich and/or famous as you drop up to five percent of your body weight.
Maybe six, depending on extracurriculars.