Still, as the New Year begins, you're feeling a strong desire to reassert your more rugged fearsome-competitor side. (You have to balance out that polished urbanity somehow.) So you'll be interested to know that reservations are now being accepted for the grueling annual event known simply as The World Famous Mud Run.
Held at the Camp Pendleton military base outside San Diego, the 10-kilometer race incorporates the expected amount of running, but with certain enhancements to increase the fight-through-the-pain quotient. Like mud-slathered walls to climb. And tunnels to crawl through. And steep patches with names like "Suicide Hill." All of which culminates in a giant mud pit you must traverse by any means necessary before crossing the finish line.
Registration fills up quickly, though you'll then have a few months to prepare for the primal summer event. You can either register solo or with a team of four similarly refined-but-boorish friends, but if you really want to assert your superiority—and lack of reliance on designer footwear—you can register in the "Boots and Utilities" category, which requires you to complete the course in regulation military boots and camouflage.
Although blending in is not really your style.