But sometimes for the purposes of self-improvement, you need to be pushed.
By which we mean, you need to get your ass handed to you, Russian-style.
Introducing Ass-Kicking in the Pit, a new excruciatingly intense, borderline-illegal training program at the sweat den known as Revolution Fitness.
Because punishments of this nature are best experienced in a group, you'll want to bring a few friends with you. Who knows, maybe you'll decide to make this part of a bachelor weekend—a little pain to feel like you've earned the strippers, car bombs and Bengal tigers to come.
You'll be led into a private, custom-made room separated from the rest of the gym by a retractable garage door (never a good sign). From there, you'll be put through 60 of the most physically demanding minutes of your life by an ex-Marine and his many demonic Soviet devices, which include a rack of authentic Russian kettlebells and a sinister six-person lead chin-up bar (think Mr. Woodcock, but Communist). Medicine balls will be rudely hurled at your body, and there's even a giant tractor tire to deadlift a la Rocky IV.
Once sufficiently ass-kicked, you'll clean up and make your way to State Street barbershop for a shoulder massage, shampoo, cut and hot shave from a barber.
Keep your eye on the razor. It could be a setup.