But if you look outside the stadiums, away from the money, the cameras and the fame, there are still a few places where the pure athletic spirit can triumph.
For instance, at Hooters.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the last true sporting event, The World's Largest Flip Cup Tournament, coming to the Hooters Casino Hotel on October 11 and taking registrations now.
Basically, you've got seven weeks to get your wrist flick back into shape. (After all, the top teams can run down a line of six cups in just over 12 seconds.) You remember the chug-and-flip game from countless frat parties, dinner dates and family reunions, but now it has graduated into an annual gathering of hundreds of beer-sport enthusiasts, who come from all corners of the country to show off their skills and collectively dispose of more than 2400 pints of beer.
Your grand prize, should you succeed: a weeklong Jamaican spring break package. (Runner-up prizes include the finest inflatable beer pong table money can buy—which should be a big hit the next time you're at the Hard Rock pool.) But even if you get knocked out early—and really, at this level, it's an honor just to compete—you'll still have an open bar to keep you busy. And since it wouldn't be Vegas without showgirls, there'll be a few Hooters Calendar Girls working the crowd with copies of their latest opus.
We hear it's the best work Ms. April's ever done.