We've checked with the powers that be and, yes, Valentine's Day is still happening this year.
Sorry if you've been caught off guard, but we're here to get you back on guard.
Below you will find 10 of the best edible and potable Valentine's Day gifts on this planet or any other. We're talking about engraved tomahawk chops, rose-infused gin, weirdly romantic pastrami and full raw bars, all available to be packed up and shipped to you or a special someone just in time for your material displays of love.
Of course, there's no relationship requirement to enjoy anything you see here, so self-gifting is also encouraged. Because, sometimes, the best tomahawk chops and full raw bars are the ones you don't have to share.
Your Valentine probably isn't expecting this 40-ounce dry-aged black Angus beef tomahawk steak that's engraved with the words "I love you" and looks like a prop from The Flintstones. But they're probably expecting you to cook it for them. $172, Pat LaFrieda
Is your date more into seafood than red meat? No worries, we've prepared for this. Order the impressive seafood tower that has been curated by Citarella owner and fishmonger Joe Gurrera. It includes Wellfleet oysters, little neck clams, large cooked shrimp, steamed lobster, king crab, stone crab claws, cocktail sauce, butter and lemons, plus the option to add caviar (do the right thing). $249, Citarella
We can't confirm this, but if you gift your Valentine a bunch of smoked, tinned fish, you might be the first person to ever give someone a bunch of smoked, tinned fish for Valentine's Day. If that's the route you want to go, it's smart that you're choosing high-quality rainbow trout from Idaho, albacore tuna from off the Pacific coast, and Atlantic salmon from Norway. Especially because each is brined in sea salt, extra virgin olive oil, brown sugar and garlic salt, and then smoked in small batches over natural wood at a family-owned cannery in Washington State. $28, Fishwife
Milk Bar's Better than Roses is an aptly titled 18-pack of decadent truffles featuring three flavors: red velvet, birthday cake and chocolate. $49, Milk Bar
Whether you have a Valentine or not, this is just a smart purchase. It's two pounds of Katz's legendary pastrami (the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats), plus all the necessary accoutrements, including heart-shaped rye bread, mustard, Russian dressing and crunchy pickles. Also enclosed: an old-world chocolate babka and cinnamon rugelach and a chocolate egg cream scented candle to set the mood. $145, Katz's Delicatessen
Cocktails and chocolate are always a smart pairing. This handy kit is loaded with everything you need to make a couple drinks (Dewar's 15-year-old scotch, chocolate bitters, orgeat, oranges and lemons), plus a 5150 Chocolate Co. dark chocolate sea salt bar for snacking alongside those drinks. The kit also throws in a silicon ice tray for making perfect cubes and a couple rocks glasses. $75, Cocktail Courier
Glendalough Rose Gin is distilled with wild roses and has notes of sweet spices and citrus. It looks good in a glass but also does fine work in a Gin & Tonic. $39, ReserveBar
Drawing inspiration from whiskey and wine, To'ak ages its dark chocolate in various oak casks, from Spanish elm and Andean alder to barrels that once held tequila and scotch. $35+, To'ak
This is called Crazy Rich Ramen. And for good reason. It's $550 ramen. But if you know someone obsessed with noodles, they'll probably appreciate this gift box featuring four servings of ramen, plus caviar, gold leaf, sauce and scallions. $550, A-Sha
Códiga 1530 Rosa started its life as a blanco tequila and is then aged for one month in Napa Cabernet barrels, which impart that pale pink hue. It looks the part for Valentine's Day, but it still tastes like tequila, which is important. $63, Caskers