Food & Drink

Should You Make a Flamin' Hot Cheetos Turkey for Thanksgiving?

Evaluating the Most Viral Turkey Day Trend of 2017

By Sam Eichner ·
Photo: NBC

Buzzfeed calls it “the new trend for Thanksgiving dinner, apparently.” Eater declares it’s “the Thanksgiving feast America deserves.” Bravo hyperbolically suggests it’s “the best recipe idea of all time.” My mother, to her credit, says it’s nothing short of “extremely disgusting.”

Such is the tenor of praise (and levelheaded criticisms) laid at the flavor-blasted legs of the most viral Thanksgiving-related thing of 2017: The Flamin' Hot Cheetos Turkey.

The recipe is presumably the brainchild of some savvy market-research folks at Reynolds Kitchens (of Reynolds Wrap), who, upon discovering that Friendsgiving was a thing young people did, decided to prey on millennials’ nostalgia for middle-school lunches and compulsion to Instagram everything we eat by developing a recipe for a Thanksgiving turkey smothered in Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust.

But just because you can make a turkey smothered in Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust, doesn’t mean you should make a turkey smothered in Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust. Which is why we’ve gamed out some Pros and Cons of pulling this off at your family’s Thanksgiving, and opted to share the results with you below.

Con: Everyone’s fingers will be covered in Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust, which means you’re going to have to watch members of your extended family lick said dust off their fingers, which is enough to really kind of make you want to squirm.

Con: The spiciness of the turkey may or may not deter certain family members from trying the turkey.

Pro:  The spiciness of the turkey may or may not deter certain family members from trying the turkey. Meaning: more Flamin' Hot Cheetos turkey for you.

Con: Grandma might be confused.

Con: This could be something you have one bite of and be, like, alright, that's enough of that, only to realize, with horror, that the whole frickin' turkey is still covered in Flamin' Hot Cheeto dust.

Pro: Everyone will be forced to stay hydrated due to increased water intake used to combat spice.

Con: It will be more difficult to get drunk and fall asleep on the couch.

Pro: The Insta.

Con: The emptiness that comes with the knowledge that your once unimpeachably pure Thanksgiving dinner has been corrupted by your craven need for social media attention.

Con: The likelihood of post-Thanksgiving tummy aches goes up by approximately 23% for every quarter-pound of Flaming Hot Cheetos turkey you consume.

Con: The Flaming Hot Cheetos turkey leftover sandwich—with cranberry sauce and stuffing—might be impractical.

Pro: Normally the turkey is the least exciting part of Thanksgiving. Now it’s the most exciting part of Thanksgiving.

Pro: You don’t even need to worry about gravy.

Con: But what would the pilgrims think.

Pro: 2017 is a fucking shit show anyway so you might as well make a goddamn turkey smothered in Flaming Hot Cheeto dust. Nothing is sacred.

Pro: If your one uncle starts to say something along the lines of, “But we should still consider supporting Roy Moore because...” you can quickly derail him by pointing to your Flaming Hot Cheetos turkey and going, “Look, it’s a Flaming Hot Cheetos turkey!”

Sam Eichner

Sam Eichner likes literature, reality television and his twin cats equally. He has consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing facial hair.

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