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And Our Week Ten NFL Awards Go to...

Jared Goff and Brock "Lee" Osweiler Dial In for This Week's NFL Roundup

By Thompson Brandes ·
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Harry How, Getty Images

Week Ten of the 2017 NFL season has officially settled in after a weekend full of spectacular plays, wacky throws and outstanding celebration work. Each week, we'll take part in admiring these fine catches and blunders by handing out a set of accolades. Some players will undoubtedly be proud to take home the hardware, others not so much.

Most Impressive Performance: Jared Goff

Here we are, folks. It’s week ten and perhaps the greatest metaphor for this entire NFL season lies in Los Angeles, where Jared Goff and the Rams are kicking everyone’s ass in a town where nobody cares about them. Credit millennial wizard Sean McVay, who has Goff looking like a totally new quarterback only one year removed from his depressing stifle with ex-coach Jeff Fisher (who barely allowed Goff to see the field). On Sunday, the collegiately-dubbed “Mr. Perfect” threw for 355 yards and three touchdowns—including an absolute hell bomb to Robert Woods—in powering a Rams offense to a 33-7 win over the visiting Texans.

That’s just the kind of throw that will simultaneously put you on top of the NFL in both yards-per-attempt and win percentage. Keep doing your thing, Mr. Perfect.

Least Impressive Performance: Denver Broncos

There’s not a whole lot to celebrate for Broncos fans right now. After an utter drudging last week against the Eagles, the Broncs showed up in prime time looking for redemption and perhaps a spark of desperation in the midst of a spiraling season. Though unfortunately, as these things often go, the only spark they found against Tom Brady and the Patriots was the one lighting Mile High stadium ablaze. Somebody call the fire department—this one’s out of control:

I could watch #23 for the Broncos give Lewis that hysterically generous speed boost all day. Wait, did I say there was nothing to celebrate for Denver fans right now?

The Bob Lee Swagger Award for Sniper-like Accuracy: Brock “Lee” Osweiler

“35 yards out... wind blowing out of the east… come up three clicks…”

The Nard-Dog Award for Achievement In Annual Incentives: Adrian Clayborn

One of the greatest achievements in the history of The Office was the “classic ass-tattoo incentive situation”—wherein Andy Bernard rallied the gang to astounding quarterly numbers with an ass-tattoo. Another thing that works in this type of situation: money.

Shouts to Clayborn’s agent for the quick pregame reminder and immediate jolt in production. (Let’s also credit Clayborn’s legs for being gigantic tree trunks of vast force and explosion.) Assuming Clayborn finishes the season on the roster—and I can’t imagine a scenario in which the Falcons cut a man capable of six sacks in a game—that’s a nice little bonus for the defensive end.

Best End Zone Celebration: Ottawa Redblacks

JuJu Smith-Schuster mocking the AJ Green-Jalen Ramsey fight was surely a hearty chuckle, yet the greatest touchdown celebration of perhaps the year wasn’t even a product of the National Football League.

The Redblacks ended up losing to the Saskatchewan Roughriders on Sunday (two of the most fantastically Canadian team names I have ever heard), but they were winners in viral-hearts around the world—perhaps the more according victory in 2017.

GQ Citizen of the Year: Colin Kaepernick

In case you haven’t heard, Colin Kaepernick is now quite literally GQ’s citizen of the year and cover of the magazine’s latest edition. The piece is 1000 percent worth your time—featuring inspiring perspectives from various artists and confidants who have grown close to the increasingly iconic human—and probably one that should not be regulated to the confines of a silly NFL awards bit. But I will say this: read it, and then read about Kaepernick some more (this Bleacher Report piece from the perpetually smart Rembert Browne is a good start). They are truthfully important outlooks that hold a little more weight than, say, anything from anyone on social media ever. See you next week.

Thompson Brandes is getting sucked into another Jurassic Park movie on AMC right now.

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