Food & Drink

Biersafe: When Your Beer Becomes a Paranoid Survivalist

Journey to the Center of the Earth, for Beer

By Hadley Tomicki ·
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When it’s all over for humankind, only two things will continue to exist.

Cockroaches, yes.

And those bottles of barley wine you buried.

So, already less of a tragedy all around.

All because you deployed Biersafe, a completely unnecessary but kind of rad new tubular rack storing 16 beers underground in your yard or closest patch of terra firma, available now.

What are you going to use an underground beer storage thing for? We’re glad you asked. We’re thinking:

1. For just a cool party trick when you’ve got people over. “What do we have here?” (That’s what you say when you reach down to the soil, undo the top and start bringing out beer).

2. Storage. You want to age some beer, but don’t trust yourself in close proximity to their curvy bodies, thus necessitating they get out of reach.

3. Your beer is really rattled by recent threats made by Kim Jong Un.

Your beer listens to way too much Alex Jones.

Hadley Tomicki lives in Los Angeles. He is probably going nowhere on the 10 Freeway this very second.

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