Did you see the finale of Westworld last night? Because we did. And, boy, are we ever
confused.
Not so much about the plot, but about the many unanswered questions about how this park operates. How can we focus on whether these robots are going to self-actualize if we don’t even know if they use the bathroom?
So on that note: here are the 25 big questions no one is asking about Westworld. But we are.
1. Does the park teach visitors how to ride horses and shoot guns before they enter Westworld?
2. How do they stop outside people from just walking into the park?
3. Isn’t anyone ever hot in all those heavy cowboy clothes?
4. Is William/The Man in Black still wearing that original hat he picked up when he started to break bad? Or did he upgrade over the years? Because a couture “Look at me, I’m evil” hat sounds like something a heartless billionaire would purchase.
5. Does the park give out sunscreen, or do you have to bring your own?
6. What do these guests eat out there in the middle of nowhere? Don’t they get hungry/thirsty? Or is there room service in the desert? Is that cactus really an in-park Jamba Juice?
7. By the way, are there actual bathroom facilities in Westworld or just, like, old-timey outhouses? And while we’re on that subject, do the hosts ever have to relieve themselves?
8. And let’s get right down to it: who is responsible for wiping down the “used” robots? The techs? No wonder they’re always so cranky.
9. Do the robots need to recharge? An iPhone can only go a day before needing to be plugged in. And that’s without performing an elaborate bank heist, acting as tour guide or murdering any other iPhone.
10. By the way, are the robots wi-fi enabled?
11. If so, can they get HBO Go?
12. Why, in this highly sophisticated future, are there not cameras capturing all the side-murders going on within the Westworld labs?
13. How is Charlotte Hale the head of the board of directors at the ripe age of, like, 28?
14. What’s the salary of one of the guys in the latex aprons? Because, again, morale seems pretty low. So maybe it’s a salary issue. Maybe it’s just the low lighting. Or maybe they’re afraid robots are going to take their job one day. Seems like a pretty legitimate concern.
15. Though, man, can you imagine what their office holiday party is like?
16. Who’s in charge of HR here anyhow?
17. Why is everyone in the real-world train station dressed like a Banana Republic ad from 2005?
18. Why are the offices all glass boxes? What’s with the red neon and endless escalators? Does this take place in an abandoned shopping mall? Because that might explain the BR business-casual look.
19. Why does the hosts’ code have commands like “Recruit” and “Deceive”? Did no one see this as a potential problem?
20. Is that scalp map on the inside of anyone else’s head?
21. Why did Teddy Flood stop getting killed all the time? That was fun.
22. How could Maeve escape so easily? Don’t other techs recognize her?
23. Why is Anthony Hopkins scariest when he’s smiling?
24. Is Ford really a robot?
25. Are we all robots?
Not so much about the plot, but about the many unanswered questions about how this park operates. How can we focus on whether these robots are going to self-actualize if we don’t even know if they use the bathroom?
So on that note: here are the 25 big questions no one is asking about Westworld. But we are.
1. Does the park teach visitors how to ride horses and shoot guns before they enter Westworld?
2. How do they stop outside people from just walking into the park?
3. Isn’t anyone ever hot in all those heavy cowboy clothes?
4. Is William/The Man in Black still wearing that original hat he picked up when he started to break bad? Or did he upgrade over the years? Because a couture “Look at me, I’m evil” hat sounds like something a heartless billionaire would purchase.
5. Does the park give out sunscreen, or do you have to bring your own?
6. What do these guests eat out there in the middle of nowhere? Don’t they get hungry/thirsty? Or is there room service in the desert? Is that cactus really an in-park Jamba Juice?
7. By the way, are there actual bathroom facilities in Westworld or just, like, old-timey outhouses? And while we’re on that subject, do the hosts ever have to relieve themselves?
8. And let’s get right down to it: who is responsible for wiping down the “used” robots? The techs? No wonder they’re always so cranky.
9. Do the robots need to recharge? An iPhone can only go a day before needing to be plugged in. And that’s without performing an elaborate bank heist, acting as tour guide or murdering any other iPhone.
10. By the way, are the robots wi-fi enabled?
11. If so, can they get HBO Go?
12. Why, in this highly sophisticated future, are there not cameras capturing all the side-murders going on within the Westworld labs?
13. How is Charlotte Hale the head of the board of directors at the ripe age of, like, 28?
14. What’s the salary of one of the guys in the latex aprons? Because, again, morale seems pretty low. So maybe it’s a salary issue. Maybe it’s just the low lighting. Or maybe they’re afraid robots are going to take their job one day. Seems like a pretty legitimate concern.
15. Though, man, can you imagine what their office holiday party is like?
16. Who’s in charge of HR here anyhow?
17. Why is everyone in the real-world train station dressed like a Banana Republic ad from 2005?
18. Why are the offices all glass boxes? What’s with the red neon and endless escalators? Does this take place in an abandoned shopping mall? Because that might explain the BR business-casual look.
19. Why does the hosts’ code have commands like “Recruit” and “Deceive”? Did no one see this as a potential problem?
20. Is that scalp map on the inside of anyone else’s head?
21. Why did Teddy Flood stop getting killed all the time? That was fun.
22. How could Maeve escape so easily? Don’t other techs recognize her?
23. Why is Anthony Hopkins scariest when he’s smiling?
24. Is Ford really a robot?
25. Are we all robots?
