Not pictured: you and everyone fun you know.
Yes, believe it or not, that is the official caption for the above photograph, which depicts, in all its ridiculous glory, Jewel Nightclub—a 24,000-square-foot funhouse from the people responsible for Omnia and the Bank. It’s open now at Aria.
You may very well experience sensory overload right from the get-go, as you step across parquet floors and up through a grand staircase that wouldn’t look out of place in Tron.
From there, it only gets worse (read: better). Look up, and you’ll see lengths of unfurled LED ribbons pulsating to the rhythm of the music, humbly provided by the likes of Steve Angello and Lil Jon. Look around and you’ll see people dancing. Not weird.
And should you desire a little reprieve, you can always reserve one of five themed VIP suites.
Like a European art salon.
Or a wood-paneled speakeasy.
Or a velvet-clad music studio.
So maybe “randomly excessive reprieve” would’ve made more sense.