And, just for the hell of it, say you’re craving a martini. And a shellfish tower. And a 40-ounce steak with foie gras truffle butter.
Hey, look: it’s Maple & Ash, a gilded two-story ode to the great things that come from a great amount of meat and gin, opening tonight as if it read your mind. (Here’s the slideshow.)
You’ll enter off Maple and find yourself in a long bar area with crystal light fixtures and gold-mirrored walls.
Take a seat at the marble-topped bar. Your cocktail menu offers a “History of the Martini,” told in eight drinkable, gin-based lessons. Brush up on your Vesper knowledge and quietly wonder what’s behind that golden wall over there. Elevators. That’s what.
Take one to the third floor. The aromas of open-hearth-cooked 40-ounce steaks and coal-roasted seafood towers greet you. Also: a host who’ll escort you to a table overlooking the Viagra Triangle. But that’s just so... expected.
Instead, sit in the low-slung front lounge. Order a wedge salad and... wait, does this menu have an actual “I Don’t Give a F*@k” option on it, where they just bring you food and lots of it? Why, yes.
Yes it does.