Leisure

Hotel It Like It Is

The Best Hotel Amenities in Town

Miami has some great hotels with some great amenities. It’s too bad you don’t need a hotel room because you live here. Then again... it wouldn’t hurt to know what’s available. Read on to find out.

THE MIAMI BEACH EDITION

A Bottle Parade up to Your Room

The Service: Popped bottles and sparklers from the club up to your room, led by Basement’s “door girl” Gio outfitted as a geisha, a pirate or a fuzzy animal. It all ends with a paddle spanking, naturally.
The Concierge Call: “My night has lacked pirates. Please resolve.”

LOEWS MIAMI BEACH HOTEL

Head-to-Toe Misting. With Evian.

The Service: When you’re lounging poolside at the Loews, there’s a concierge whose only job is to see that you get an Evian misting every time you start to perspire.
The Concierge Call: “I think I’m starting to perspire again.”

1 HOTEL & HOMES

Traveling To and Fro in a Tesla

The Service: Ask for a taxi and you’ll get a Tesla and a chauffeur to drive it wherever you want to go. And if you want to drive the Tesla, just tell the chauffeur and he’ll let you.
The Concierge Call: “I need a taxi. That’s also a Tesla.”

FONTAINEBLEAU MIAMI BEACH

Handpicking Your King Crab from a Tank

The Service: A hush-hush setup in which you can enter an underground facility and handpick your seafood from one of their six 2,000-gallon saltwater tanks. They’ll cook it up for you at any of their restaurants.
The Concierge Call: “I’d like to go fish.”

THE BRAZILIAN COURT

A Bit of Pampering for Your Pooch

The Service: Dogs aren’t just allowed here. They get a blueberry facial, a milk-thistle paw soak, turndown service with hand-delivered treats, monogrammed bowls and designer doggy beds. Plus you two get a one-hour photo session together. Not weird at all.
The Concierge Call: “My dog would like fresh towels.”