The Betty

Place Your Betty

Your Field Guide to the Betty

739fda488c04bcbd31ddf21309c6563bc832216b12 PhotosThe Betty
Grable. Page. White. Friedan. Draper. Rubble. Crocker. Loren-Maltese. Boop.

Yes, life has truly blessed us with a surfeit of fine, upstanding Bettys.

To prove the point, here’s yet another: The Betty, an overstuffed drinking escapade in the West Loop, which opens tomorrow. (Here’s your slideshow and your menu.)

What does this Betty offer that the others don’t? Here’s a Field Guide to Bettys to help sort that right out.

Date of Birth 
Boop: 08/09/30.
White: 01/17/22.
Rubble: c. 3000 BCE (est.).
The Betty: 01/21/15.

Natural Habitat
Grable: Twentieth Century-Fox back lot.
White: The lanai.
Loren-Maltese: Cicero; medium-security prisons.
The Betty: The former Lumen space.

Distinguishing Characteristic 
Page: Bustline.
Draper: Pout.
Friedan: Feminine mystique.
The Betty: Peacock feathers, a player piano, a decorative barber chair, wood paneling and the mystique of candlelit tables and long leather couches.

For Dinner, She’ll Serve
Rubble: Brontosaurus burgers.
Crocker: Hamburger Helper.
Draper: Cold stares.
The Betty: Squid salad, assorted pierogies, tikka masala chicken thighs.

And for Dessert
Crocker: Oh, probably something rainbow-sprinkled.
Page: Cheesecake.
Draper: No dessert, now go to your room.
The Betty: Pie Ice Cream Sandwich, wherein the pie and sandwich universes finally collide.

She Also Makes a Mean
Page: Dominatrix.
Draper: Ex.
Loren-Maltese: Cellmate.
The Betty: Coffee & Cigarettes cocktail with whiskey, vanilla and orange flower water.

Often Seen in the Company Of
Rubble: Neanderthals.
White: Golden girls.
Boop: Flappers.
The Betty: You, your dates, your...

... well, this was fun.

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