Each and every day, we comb through what the world has to offer in an effort to bring you the best of things. But not everything is the best. Some things are the worst. Some things are combination tracksuit/tuxedos or unusable gold currency. Welcome to the valley of the rejects.
Sadly, you can’t purchase things with gold bricks in this day and age. But what if someone turned gold into foldable bills covered by bald eagles and official-looking symbols? Well, you still wouldn’t be able to purchase anything with them. That’s what.
We say “Traxedo.” You say “Please don’t let that be some mutant hybrid of tracksuit and tuxedo that fails spectacularly at being either.” We say “We wish we had better news.”
This is an arts and crafts project that lets you simulate... intimate moments at home. All you need
is:
—Felt.
—Thread.
—A sewing machine.
—Pillow stuffing.
—A detached rubber mouth from your spare CPR dummy.
If you’ve gotten this far, it’s your own fault.
Sure, you could strengthen your arms by picking up an actual dumbbell. But you could also use a steel iPhone case that increases your phone’s weight by over three pounds. It’ll only be an inconvenience every time you use it, but you’re not doing this for convenience. You’re doing this because you’re confused.
Humankind has always searched for a way to test true love. Then a Japanese lingerie company invented a heart-sensing bra that automatically unfastens in response to its wearer’s fluttering heart. Nothing useful was gained from the experience.
