House Rules

Your Keys to a Rather Insane Nightclub in Wynwood

None 3 Photos House
Sure, you like a good house party.

Small plates of meat and cheese. Cocktails. Beautiful people taking baths in the middle of the room. Someone’s deranged grandmother crashing...

Welcome to House—it’s a house party that’s actually a nightclub that’s supposedly hosted by a deranged grandmother who’s fine with profligate bathing in public—opening Friday in Wynwood.

First, you’ll need a key. You apply online, and they send you one. (They take the house theme pretty seriously.) Upon arrival, you’ll walk through the crystal-panther-flanked front door into a room not unlike a futuristic bubble bath—blue light, metallic bubbles and white leather banquettes. Also, a sculpture of a space-age-y looking dog. The future is... weird. But it does have a bar.

After a drink, you’re ready to move into the main room: a massive loft with different “rooms.” Past the occupied bathtub (ahem) you’ll find the kitchen, where they’re serving up cold tapas. Maybe later.

Because by now you’re probably feeling ready to hit the living room’s dance floor—between songs, an actress dressed like Grandma might ask you about your first time. Then, when it’s all over at 5am, she’ll give everybody cookies and spiked chocolate milk.

You really should spend more time with Grandma.

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