Gear

The Rejection List

The Things We Left Behind in 2013

Not every idea is a great one. Or even a mediocre one. Take everything you see here: the very best of the worst inventions to crash and burn as they hit our desks. Here’s what we saved you from in 2013.

Beverly Hills 90H20

Beverly Hills 90H20

First, this water costs $79 for a dozen bottles. Also, it was crafted by a water sommelier. Also, water sommeliers exist. Also, it’s not from some magical secret moat in Les Moonves’s house—it’s bottled in Northern California. But most unforgivably, they don’t have Jason Priestley as a spokesman.

Magic Restroom Cafe

Magic Restroom Cafe

If the romantic name didn’t tip you off, it’s a bathroom-themed restaurant. Courtesy of Taiwan. So thanks, Taiwan. You’ll have the opportunity to slurp chicken curry from miniature toilet bowls while you sit on life-size toilets. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite exert the same pull as, say, never ever doing this.

Male Lingerie

Male Lingerie

Surprisingly, the “male panties” and “male bras” trend failed to ignite this year. Partially because there was no such trend to ignite. One bold company gave it a go anyway, but in the end, they couldn’t even get their own models to look anything but incredibly uncomfortable.

Realface Glamouflage

Realface Glamouflage

Here’s a T-shirt with the distorted faces of Obama, Michael Jackson and Britney Spears impersonators, designed to confuse social media’s facial-recognition software if you get photographed. Presumably it works by keeping you inside, alone, away from anyone seeing you in your lame new shirt.

Prancercise

Prancercise

You live in a city where no fitness trend goes unappreciated. But here’s one. A rhythm-challenged instructor in troublingly snug pants, leading a cardio session that involves doling out light spankings to ghosts while galloping like a make-believe pony. Or a real pony. Pony-reality isn’t really the issue, though.

Elsewhere on the Daddy

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