You know what they say: for every life-changing product to come along, you have to wade through five ridiculous ones. No, actually, they don’t say that. We do. Herewith, a glimpse into the not-so-small pile of ideas that didn’t make it through our filter this year.
The problem: people just don’t take your lollipop seriously enough. The solution: this thing, a wooden outer shell for your Tootsie Pop, complete with a leather strap to keep it all in place. There’s a sucker born every minute.
Anytime you get a new “Like” on your Facebook page, you could stand up and announce it at the top of your lungs. Only slightly less obnoxious: this analog counter that connects via wi-fi to count your likes. It’s got all the showiness of the National Debt Clock. With none of the importance.
How to make sexy unsexy: cover it in Marvin the Martian, a sequined Pac-Man ghost or Battle Cat from He-Man. Here, then, a selection of burlesque-ready cartoon character pasties, made in Canada from felt and yarn. For a really weird burlesque show.
What’s supposed to happen here: people will see you wearing a T-shirt with this company’s logo and the phrase “meet me” on it. They’ll know you’re available. They’ll initiate conversation. Just in case you think becoming a walking advertisement for your own singleness is your best move. Trust us, it’s not.
What you need: a toothbrush as special as you are. More specifically, a solid-titanium model made to order in Germany. These brushes sport an antibacterial coating and replaceable brush heads. Oh, and a price tag of $4,200 and up. You know, because they’re German.
