Hey... don’t run off like that.
We haven’t even arrived at the part where you helicopter into an active volcano yet.
Or the part with the bears.
So get all wide-eyed for Kamchatka Critters and Craters, a weeklong jaunt through the farthest end of the Far East involving helicopters, armed ranger guides and the occasional volcano-powered soaking tub, taking reservations now for June.
Yes, you’re headed to Siberia. But not that frozen-over hellscape you remember from Rocky IV. No, this place is more like a real-life Lord of the Rings pilgrimage, but instead of trekking over hill and dale with one giant volcano looming in the distance, there are about 160.
Your missions here: numerous. Helicopter into a volcano caldera; take a 6x6 off-road tour of another volcano (and then climb it); escort a private chef on a fishing voyage and then watch him cook your bounty. Your bonus mission: vodka quality control.
But before all that, get familiar with your headquarters: a modest little encampment with a private, magma-heated pool, where you’ll return after your bear-tracking expedition. Yes, you’ll be heading into the wilderness with an armed ranger to witness 1,400-pound Kamchatka brown bears salmon fishing in their natural habitat.
Maybe don’t wear salmon-colored pants that day.