It’s been a good year. Well, mostly. Because while our life-affirming lens brings you the world’s most exciting stuff, there’s something else hiding in the shadows. A pile of terrible pitches and products that never saw the light of day. (You’re welcome.) Herewith, some of the worst items to cross our desk.
You’ve got nothing against cup holders. And certainly nothing against beer. But building a cup holder into your belt, and then setting your beer bottle waist-high... yeah, it’s awkward. Sure, your beer’s always at arm’s reach, but God forbid you fall down.
Beautiful women and liquor: heck of a combo. That’s precisely the thinking behind G-Spirits, a liquor label that’s pouring whiskey, rum and vodka down the bare breasts of models. And then bottling it. And selling it to you. For hundreds of dollars. If ever there were a time to cut out the middleman...
Wearing your tablet like a purse: now there’s something nobody would ever do. But nevertheless, the GoPad guy created a strap and swing arm that connect to your iPad, allowing you to secure it around your shoulder or on your neck. Put it this way, it makes a fanny pack look subtle.
Yes, this is a jockstrap for women. (You know it’s for women because they use the clever term “straplette.”) It’s got the elastic leg bands and the open back, but surprise, there’s no padding down there. So basically, you’re wearing crotchless panties to your softball game. Again.
Long ago, we evolved from monkeys, and yada yada yada, we eventually lost our tails. Seems fine to us. Our jeans certainly fit better. But to the guys behind TellTails, it’s a shame. So naturally, there was only one thing to do. Create tails that attach to your person. Great, now about that third nipple...
