China Girl

Skeptical Investigation: Sexy Mandarin

None We’re lovers. You know that. But every now and again, something comes across our desks that just seems... suspicious. Because of the tremendous material upside to all our lives if these claims pan out, we at times put ourselves in harm’s way to investigate. Albeit skeptically.

We call it: Skeptical Investigation. (Trademark pending.)

A new website called Sexy Mandarin believes it possesses the ability to teach you the Mandarin language. By showing you videos of girls washing cars in bikinis. And playing doctor. And seductively eating peppers.

With an open mind and a thirst for knowledge, our most trusted linguistics advisor hopped online, signed up and was promptly presented with nine video lessons. Eager for the prospect of... learning a new language, our investigator selected “Lesson 1: Time.”

Roll the tape.

There were two girls named Wendy and Demi on a bed. There was lingerie. There was Mandarin pillow talk. Also, there was a cartoon man named Mr. Fung who kept popping up on the screen to translate.

Our investigator rinsed. Our investigator repeated. And soon enough, all nine lessons were in the bag.

Post-inspection analysis reveals that... we learned the word “comfortable.” So, did we master the Mandarin language? No. Did we wholeheartedly embrace our lovely instructors’ teaching methods? Yes.

Yes we did.

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