Right at the base of the Yucatan, Campeche is a former conquistador capital on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico—a Spanish port down in Mayan territory, once frequently attacked by English and Dutch pirates. Besieged and beleaguered, the government put up walls and bulwarks that stand to this day (protecting you from those still-marauding Brits).
For maximum peace of mind, stay at the Hacienda Puerta Campeche—a 17th-century villa built as a buccaneer-proof refuge, now refashioned as a luxury resort. Try out the Zazil Ha Mayan massage in the in-house spa, take a few laps through the indoor-outdoor pool, or hit the Gulf for some Yucatan sun and fun. Then head back to the oversized woven hammocks in your suite for an old-school siesta, before rallying for a Mayan-Mexican feast on the open-air terrace.
Think of it as the ultimate booty call.