Sunbathe naked in Egypt: check. Toss the pigskin with Brady: check. Barefoot water-ski atop a couple of harnessed dolphins in the Tasman Sea: check.
Learn competitive axe-throwing: check-less. Until now.
Presenting Axe-Throwing Lessons at the Mountain View Grand Resort in New Hampshire, your new means of sharpening your weapons-tossing skills, accepting students now.
The first rule of axe-throwing class is you don’t talk about axe-throwing class. Actually, not really. The first rule of axe-throwing class is you have to be a guest at the resort. Then, you’ll meet your instructors. In this case, a husband-and-wife team that has won various axe-throwing competitions (side note: they’re also pretty skilled at chainsaw usage and logrolling).
They’ll introduce you to your equipment (a competition-caliber, double-sided weighted axe and a target) and show you how to throw (hint: it’s all overhead). Then, they’ll let you unleash on the wooden target situated about 20 feet from you, offering tips along the way (although “please don’t hit any people” is usually implied).
And since there’s no point in wasting your newfound talents, your instructors are also happy to set up a brackets-style tournament complete with bragging rights and small prizes, should there be enough competitors.
ESPN8, here you come.