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Your Guide to Tax Day Deductions

We’re not accountants, but we know two things for sure: first, your taxes are due on Monday (you’re welcome); and second, you could be deducting so much more next year. So we’ve put together a humble list of suggested Tax Day Write-Offs for 2012. (We won’t tell the IRS.)

A Robot Servant

A Robot Servant

The Write-Off: A Bluetooth-equipped robot that can open doors, fold laundry and bring you a few beers from the fridge.
The Cost:
$400,000
The Deduction:
“Additional Bonus Depreciation.” Nobody knows what that means anyway.

A Traveling Tennis Pro

A Traveling Tennis Pro

The Write-Off: Private tennis lessons from Mats Wilander—holder of seven Grand Slam titles, and currently traveling the country in a Winnebago.
The Cost:
$4,800 per day
The Deduction:
Given how many deals are closed on the tennis court, tightening up your serve qualifies as “negotiation training.”

A Life-Size Statue of Yourself

A Life-Size Statue of Yourself

The Write-Off: A handsomely sculpted bronze of your exact image, possibly slaying a dragon or high-fiving an eagle.
The Cost:
$45,000 to $200,000
The Deduction:
Under Section 179, self re-creation is a legitimate marketing expense.

An Honest-to-God Blimp

An Honest-to-God Blimp

The Write-Off: The psychological edge of showing up to work in a 230-foot blimp cannot be overstated.
The Cost:
$500,000 per month, or $8 million to buy
The Deduction:
Transportation expenses, naturally.

A White Lion Cub

A White Lion Cub

The Write-Off: You could use a pet. And a mascot.
The Cost:
$140,000 per cub
The Deduction:
He doubles as the world’s most expensive security system.

White Lion Cubs, thanks to international treaties... you’ll just have to ask around

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