You also happen know a thing or two about where to get a good stiff drink in this town.
What you really need, then, is a way to synthesize all that hard-earned knowledge of gambling and imbibing into one convenient, pocket-size marvel.
So allow us to introduce you to Drink Deck, a pack of regulation playing cards that offers a little something extra—discounts at Chicago's finest watering holes.
Here's the (excuse us) deal: you lay down $30 for the pack of cards, which are no different from the ones you use at your weekly euchre games—with one big exception: each one bears the face of a different drinking establishment, from Pops for Champagne (the ace of diamonds) to that most distinguished of liquor store–bar combos, Rite Liquors (the seven of hearts), along with a $10 coupon you can use at said establishment.
To use it, saunter into one of these watering holes, pull the deck out of your pocket, slowly reveal your trump card and then order up a drink with the studied grit of a veteran card shark. (Or just hand the bartender the coupon. Either way.) And finally, your $30 ante will result in a guaranteed return of $520—that is, if you can drink enough.
We like your odds.