Simyone Says

Simyone Lounge, by the Numbers

A couple of weeks ago, we told you about a certain multi-leveled restaurant in the Meatpacking District. It was then we mentioned the glory that would soon be the underground lounge Simyone.

Welcome to soon.

Now that the lounge is quietly popping corks, we decided to check in. Of course, we could regale you with tales about leggy socialites and bottles of Veuve, but sometimes it's best to look at the facts and figures...

People waiting outside at 2am on a Tuesday: 31
Massive bouncers: 2
Girls outside claiming best friendship with owner, Eugene Remm: 14
Percentage of girls who could provide evidence when pressed: 0
Flights of carpeted stairs down from street level: 1
Hells Angels immortalized on front wall: 10
Mirrored bricks used in decor: 234
People inside: 133
Ratio of women to men: 3:2
People inside we wanted to see on the dance floor: 68
People actually on the dance floor: 52
Percentage of those people who had no business being on the dance floor: 5.77
Tributes to MJ played by DJ: 4
Times MJ tribute resulted in yelling on dance floor: 4
Times Scarlett Johansson was almost spotted: 6
Back rooms with cave-like entrances: 1
Guys wearing aggressive leather jackets: 2
Walls that look like disco versions of X-ray charts: 1
Actual X-ray machines on premises: 0
Cost of Johnnie Black and soda, excluding tip: 17.00
Tip: 3.00
Percentage of tip given because bartender was attractive: 100
Times we were led to believe that hostess was ready to spend the rest of her life with us if we bought a bottle: 3
Bottles purchased: 3
Evidence that bottle service is dead: 0


409 W 14th St
(near 9th Ave)
New York, NY, 10014

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