As a kid growing up in the mid-'90s, you could more or less divide your friends into two categories: the N64 friends and the PlayStation friends. Unless you happened to be the kid with the reliably well-stocked pantry, your gaming console was your greatest asset. Well, with the exception of your glowing personality, of course...
Apropos of all that: in honor of the original's 25th anniversary, Sony is releasing the PlayStation Classic. It's basically the same as the original PlayStation, only it's 45% smaller and, instead of having to buy games, it comes with 20 pre-loaded classics (not include as the Onion suggests, is the "friend who always whooped your ass."). It's available for pre-order now, and will ship on December 3rd, just in time for the holidays.
Naturally, this is PlayStation's answer to the relative success of Nintendo's nostalgia-inducing NES Classic—another update on an old-school system that comes with pre-loaded favorites. The unique draw, of course, will be the games themselves. As of now, Sony has only revealed a few, such as Ridge Racer 4, Jumping Flash, Final Fantasy VII, Tekken 3 and Wild Arms, all of which will be available to play in their original formats. To switch them up, you can hit the ol' "open" button, and it will change the "virtual disk"; the "reset" button, ever the temptation for the volatile sore loser, is also back, and can be used to suspend gameplay.
There are a few justifications for purchasing the new PlayStation Classic. It could be, that, yes, you want to sink into your couch this December to enjoy the mindless diversions of a happier, simpler time. Or it could be that you want to gift this to a younger someone in your family, who hasn't yet experienced the high highs and low lows of Final Fantasy VII.
Either way, it comes with two controllers.