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Overanalyzing Candice Swanepoel's Instagram

Drawing Wildly Irresponsible Conclusions About the Alpha Angel and Birthday Girl, Via Her 'Gram

By Geoff Rynex ·
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Sometimes, in an attempt to sneak a peek into the interior lives of the rich and famous, we’re forced to launch an investigation into the evidence at the public’s disposal. By which we mean, grossly overanalyze whom these people choose to follow on Instagram.

Today, we take a look into the deep follows of one Candice Swanepoel, the South Africa-born Victoria's Secret Angel, mother and hippie who just happens to be turning the big 2-9 tomorrow. Let's see what Freud, Jung and Rogers have to say about the lass. Just kidding, let's dive headlong down the rabbit hole and bullshit this thing...

The Profile of Candice Swanepoel


Posts: 1747
Followers: 11.4 million
Following: 824
Credo: “Candice Swanepoel”

The Bell Curve

All the other Victoria's Secret angels, of course, all the major fashion publications, relevant photographers and stylists both hair and makeup. More quirkily, a lot of accounts that focus on the '70s, and a lot of hippie-ish kind of stuff. It's clearly a personally-managed account.



Outliers

@trance.art

 "ॐ Psychedelic Art ॐ Dreadlocks ॐ Hippie/Traveler ॐ Performer/Juggler ॐ Musician ॐ Psytrance ॐ All art in a festivals ॐ Follow #tranceart www.facebook.com/TranceArtOfficial". That's a lot of ohms. And did you catch "juggler" there? 

@ozwellness

Either the most fake Dr. Oz account you'll ever see, or some other guy named Oz who peddles supplements and literature about supplements. 

@mxtthuman

He's an 871-follower DJ only followed by her in terms of people of note. You can book him through his profile, but he's private. Though if you were a struggling, workaday DJ with 871 followers, wouldn’t you at least be comforted by the fact that one of them was Swanepoel? Perhaps a little charity on Swanepoel's part. 

@burningmanphotos, the official @burningman account


The war's over. They won. 

@danceswithcircles


A person who sells handmade hula hoops well enough to have drawn 148k followers. No idea. 

@dayofthedreads

“dreadlock technicians 2012”. I guess if you're someone whose job it is to be photographed day in, day out, but you're an avid burner, you don't have the luxury of just not washing your hair for a year. 

Diagnosis

Swanepoel is a burner, which has a tendency to usurp many other facets of the identity of a person who becomes one. She's also a VS Angel, which we imagine has much the same effect, and an added air of extreme exclusivity. There are competing forces at work in our subject this week. She's a woman torn. Torn between the highly commodified world of modeling and her inner desires to live a liberated, commercial-free life, man. Modernity is tough. 

Geoff Rynex is the only person named Geoff Rynex in the history of mankind. He would rather have the best burger than the best steak, likes hearing bartender stories and spends too much money on clothes.

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