We’ve long been proponents of the turtleneck as an autumnal necessity. But that's not saying they're easy to pull off. In fact, just attempting to do so might be the single greatest fashion risk you face this fall. Luckily, we’ve put together this definitive three-step guide...
STEP ONE: Begin at the neck, not the turtle. Lest you forget, you are the turtle in this scenario. It's the single most important thing to take into consideration and sadly it's where most people go wrong—right at the very beginning, setting off a potentially fatal domino effect of tangled wool, obscured vision, suffocation, or worse: flailing around at your desk like one of those inflatable tube men at a used-car lot. When we called this a
fashion risk, we literally meant it. Don't even think you're slick enough to employ the old “grab the bottom hem with both hands and pull the whole thing over your head inside out” technique. Sure, that cute little trick works just fine for your standard issue merino V-neck or even your casual cotton crewneck, or perhaps when there's no time to think as you're jumping into a goddamn lake to save a drowning puppy. But right now the stakes are even higher, because you're pulling off a turtleneck. So unfold the collar (if it doesn't, that means you're wearing a mock-neck, which, well, okay, that's way less cool and follows a totally different protocol, most likely Ghost Protocol), and get a good hold on the topmost fabric.
STEP TWO: With your hands firmly gripping the topside of your turtle's neck, guide the turtleneckiest part of the turtleneck over your chin, nose and head, gently stretching the turtleneck so it doesn’t get caught on that beak of yours on the way up. Once your face no longer feels a sensation similar to that of a snake shedding its skin, you’ll know you’ve made it past the biggest challenge of pulling off a turtleneck this fall.
STEP THREE: Slip the rest of the damn thing off like you would any other sweater. And voilà: you’ve done it. See, all it takes is a little determination and the proper technique to pull off a turtleneck this fall.
And a turtleneck.