Gear

Extremely Cheeky Greeting Cards From RedTube

If Hallmark Talked About Rim Jobs

By Geoff Rynex ·
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RedTube, sister site of the SEO juggernaut that is Pornhub, has penetrated the greeting card business with a quaintly named operation called Speak From the Heart, just a bunch of thoughtful, dirty expressions of fondness. 

Visually, these are quite tasteful—genital-free, with a very Americana illustration vibe. On the outside, the messages are downright traditional. Tame, even. Then you open up the "I'm having your car cleaned for your birthday" card and see the kicker: "But you can bet I'm the one taking care of your rim job." Classic stuff.

At the moment, they've got, among others, wedding, anniversary, birthday and, hilariously, graduation cards. Some of them are good because they're so bad. Take, for instance, this anniversary card: "As your husband, I'm like a Rubik's cube." Punchline: "The more you play with me, the harder I get." Cue the sad trombone and smh laughter.  

They're five bucks, so we say it's worth picking one up and sending up a trial-balloon with whoever you know that likes a good, terrible dirty joke. They're available here

Geoff Rynex is the only person named Geoff Rynex in the history of mankind. He would rather have the best burger than the best steak, likes hearing bartender stories and spends too much money on clothes.

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