To the far reaches of dwarf planet 2014 UZ224?
Perhaps a little too far.
And so it’s our great pleasure to inform you that Voodoo Doughnut, Portland’s notorious house of black magic and icing, is now soft-open at Universal Citywalk with 60 doughnut variations. Figured you’d be into a peek.
Yes, you’ll have to scale the hill to Universal’s mall to reach this Pepto-colored temple of carbohydrates. Which isn’t ideal for grabbing a doughnut and coffee for your morning freeway-to-work shuffle.
But it is ideal for obtaining...
—Three dozen doughnuts served in a sizeable wooden coffin. To-go.
—The eponymous Voodoo doughnut, which bleeds jam when pricked with a pretzel stick.
—Macchiato from the Stumptown station.
—Doughnuts encrusted in famous breakfast cereals.
—Visions of a Harry Dean Stanton black velvet painting.
—A pink box that sort of resembles a heavy metal record.
—A Southern California-only “Hollywood Cream,” distinguishable mostly for its maple glaze and sunglasses made of icing.
—A nook where weddings are conducted in front of a casket.
We just wrote that entirely true last sentence.