Hotels

You and Someone Special Are Getting as Far Away as Possible

To a Picturesque Estate on New Zealand’s North Island, to Be Exact

By Sam Eichner ·
87380392600e2b83f6cc3b36df00959714 PhotosHelena Bay
There’s getting away from it all.

And then there’s getting as far away from it all as humanly possible.

This story is about the latter, for reasons that require no explanation.

So let’s take a deep breath and think happy thoughts with Helena Bay, an outrageously peaceful, picturesque estate overlooking a secluded slice of Pacific coastline that’s waiting for your arrival on—you guessed it?—New Zealand’s North Island.

Since only five spacious couples suites grace the grounds, you’ll want to choose your companion wisely. The ideal candidate should be someone who...

—Appreciates ocean views from private waterfront balconies whilst wearing Swiss-made bathrobes.

—Finds Kiwi accents sort of hilarious, when they think about it.

—Isn’t fussy when it comes to zucchini-mint pancakes in bed, custom picnic baskets for nearby island excursions and customizable six-course tasting menus involving things like Wagyu beef tenderloin sourced directly from the bay’s Wagyu beef farm.

—Generally enjoys heated pools and massages.

—Is open to private diving lessons at iconic North Island diving spots.

—Would look nice strolling alongside you in this slideshow.

Yep, that ought to narrow the list.

Sam Eichner likes literature, reality television and his twin cats equally. He has consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing facial hair.

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