We know Disney sold you a lot of fantasy about dancing crabs and mermaids. We just want to tell you, it was a lie.

The only thing you’ll find underwater: sunken museums, Jenga, champagne, room service, masseurs, more champagne. Also: sharks, crocodiles and lobsters. Though the lobster is poached in butter.

At this point, it’s probably best to just show you what the hell we’re talking about. Which is to say, this slideshow about underwater vacations.