Friday evening. Sunset.
In your hand: a Negroni.
In your immediate vicinity: the sun slowly setting over an azure-blue horizon.
In the space above and around your legs: not a really attractive pair of striped, Italian-made swim trunks.
You f**ked up.
Should have enlisted Beach Club Apparel, your new supplier of soft, Monte Carlo–inspired swim trunks prime for all sorts of beach-related tomfoolery, online now.
First, consider a few of your very Mediterranean color choices: the classic blue-and-white-stripe option. The less classic mint-and-white-stripe option. A navy gingham. A salmon-y coral. Next, choose some and order them. This is going splendidly.
Once they’re yours, you’ll put them on before walking into a large, salty body of water. Or lounging beside one and contemplating all the splashing and boating and whale watching you’re about to do.
You’ll notice their short inseam. They got that right. You’ll notice their soft mesh lining. They got that right, too. And when saltwater inevitably happens, you’ll rejoice that they’re made of a quick-drying, Italian-woven fabric.
Rejoicing involves drinking more gin in this scenario.