Tim Johnson.

He’s a world-champion cyclist with his own Wikipedia page.

Craig Lewis.

He’s another world-champion cyclist with his own Wikipedia page.

You.

You’re... familiar with bicycles.

Great, you’re all set for Slovenia Bike Tour with the Pros, six days of peddling up and down the Julian Alps alongside Tim and Craig, with plenty of merriment in between, taking reservations now.

Wow, that escalated quickly. Minutes ago, you had no idea you’d be investing in some quality bike shorts, booking a flight to Ljubljana (it’s pronounced “the capital of Slovenia”) and meeting a couple cycling legends for a few hundred miles of Alpine road biking. But hey, email’s crazy like that.

Along the way, you’ll breeze past World War I battlefields and ascend near-vertical inclines. But you should also know that your guides are all about the après-cycling, too. Because to cap off each day, you’ll retire to a villa (or villa-like hotel) for a post-ride massage and copious Slovenian wine.

So, pretty much the opposite of what Armstrong did.