New Year’s Resolutions: January 20, Draft 6.

1. Join gym. ✔
2. Work out daily.
2. Work out three times a week.
2. Work out... more.
2. Think about working out...
2. Eat ribs. Hope for the best. ✔

Yep. It’s taken a few weeks, but it looks like you’re finally headed toward a healthier you.

Here to help with the rest: Chicago Primal Gym, a fitness lab dedicated to helping you find your inner caveman, now open.

Its philosophy is based on a few key ideas. The first: you’ll stick to a game plan if you have one. So it offers six-week fitness challenges based around small-group training. You’ll work with barbells, kettlebells and your body’s resistance (via movement patterns our caveman ancestors were good at... squatting, rolling, throwing, etc.). Grunt for added caveman effect.

The second: the Paleo diet (i.e., more meats and veggies, and fewer grains and added sugars). Through their partnerships, you can get Paleo meals delivered from Factor 75, or subscribe to a weekly Paleo grocery delivery (including pork ribs) from Irv & Shelly’s to cook at home. Just add fire.

And third: they’re offering cash prizes for sticking to the program.

Which, frankly, is more Mesolithic than Paleolithic.