And just think, we haven’t even gotten to the fur-padded penthouses and old-school cigar lounges and painted murals of fat, naked babies yet.
Fat, naked babies, people...
Behold The Chedi Andermatt, a palatial new ski lodge in the Swiss Alps that’s ready to address all your wintry comfort needs, taking reservations now and opening December 20.
You shall proceed thusly:
Claim your excessively appointed lair.
There’s only one penthouse with vaulted ceilings, heated stone floors and a panoramic balcony. It’s called the Gemsstock. It’s very enormous. And it’s all yours.
Let the fire cauldrons be your guide.
They’re... well, they’re f**king everywhere. From the lobby to the cushioned decks by the pool to the 50-seat wine library. It’s like a really hot breadcrumb trail.
Which brings us to the cigars.
Inside that wine library, you’ll find a cigar lounge with fur-covered armchairs circling a fire. Settle in for some Cubans and cognac. Your favorite kind of settling.
You’re also in some of the world’s best ski country.
So hopefully you like wide-open slopes and knee-deep powder and yelling “yay.”
But save some energy for pirouettes.
Because the outdoor courtyard’s got a ski-in ice-skating rink.
Maybe just skate in it, though.