If you happen to see a herd of wildebeest, two giraffes and a rhinoceros: well, congratulations on your successful zoological career.
If not: take note of the following...
Don your finest safari hat for Hemingways Nairobi, a brand-shining-new, 45-suite, five-star hillside manor primed for you to go all Green Hills of Africa, taking reservations now.
To be clear: this is not affiliated with the author of the same name. Even though the opulent, Golden Age of Africa–inspired rooms look decorated by Ernest himself. It’s probably just a happy coincidence/shrewd marketing tactic.
Anyway, here’s the deal: Nairobi is the only city on earth with rhinoceroses, giraffes and hippopotamuses running around its own 28,000-acre wild-game park. And this is the only five-star slumber pad in Nairobi with an in-house patisserie and a Michelin-starred chef plucking your spiny lobster from the Indian Ocean. Also: each suite comes standard with a private balcony and a butler.
Although, if you somehow tire of eating olive oil cake while lording over the hill country, you’ve got plenty of diversions nearby. The Great Rift Valley’s just 50 miles away. Kilimanjaro: 150 miles. Somalia: 360 miles.
So maybe just stay within 359 miles of your room...