So here goes...
Steak. Martinis. Mahogany. Stilettos. Leather. You.
Sound the trumpets for Osso Steakhouse, a splashy new sanctuary of beef-related excellence and all the caviar, vodka and potentially surreptitious courtship that goes along with it, taking reservations now for next Friday’s opening.
Congratulations are in order. It’s not every day this city presents you with a massive art deco Shangri-La filled with brown leather banquettes and marble walls and dry-aged porterhouses the size of babies.
Closing some type of deal over portobello mushroom steaks and a bottle of Groth cab: sure, you could do that here. In fact, you should. But come back at night. Bring someone tall who knows what to do with a cocktail and a little black dress.
Next (and this is important), tell the host to take you directly to a booth. That’s inside of a cabana. Don’t mince words, because what happens next is... exactly that. Looks just like the kind of cabana you’d see at a pool. Except it’s in a steakhouse. Which, convenient.
Shut the curtains. Don’t open them until someone comes by with two petite filets and some sautéed seaweed in soy-butter glaze. Eat this. Enjoy this. Then call upon a round of basil, cucumber or ginger martinis and enjoy those, too.
Then probably shut the curtains again.