Sorry, meant to tell you. That’s a type of news now.
Anyway, here we go...
Prepare to rest your bones upon the Perpetual Bedding Collection, a brand-new and incredibly handsome assembly of handcrafted beds from Timothy Oulton that you’ll employ in times of sleeping, definitely-not-sleeping and the occasional horizontal breakfast, available now.
You know Timothy Oulton. He fashions coffee tables from propellers. And dining tables from Chinese junk boats. So he’s just the type of guy you’d expect to make a really fine bed. One with impossibly thick mattresses with fantastical names like “The General” and mattress toppers made from Mongolian horsehair.
Now, chances are, you’ll go to sleep sometime this weekend. You’ll toss, you’ll turn, you’ll dream of leather headboards and calico pocket springs. (That old dream sequence.) Then, you’ll wake up, swear never again and stumble into Sir Oulton’s showroom to start customizing your bed. Choose the firmness of your mattress, the material of your headboard (moleskin, leather... steel) and, of course, which flag you want to sleep on.
Hey, that reminds us. The mattress toppers are flags. From whatever country you want. We’re talking the Union Jack, the American flag, the Brazilian pennant. Go ahead, get creative.
We heard Moldova’s pretty comfy.