What kind of hotel has no rooms, no beds, a bunch of bellhops, lobster mac and cheese and scantily clad French maids carrying around sliders?
Answer: the Howard Johnson in Hialeah.
Just kidding. Let’s try that again.
Answer: Room Service Restaurant Lounge, a showy SoBe hideaway that looks like a hotel... acts like a hotel... but is really just a late-night spot for you to get all weird at, opening Thursday.
Just so we’re clear, this is not a hotel. It’s a Latin-fusion restaurant/nightclub that thinks it’s a hotel. Big difference. What they have: bellhops to carry your drinks, private tables that look like suites and maids who wear fishnet stockings. What they lack: pillow mints.
Come here on a night before a morning you can sleep through (they’re open till 5am) and enter what looks like the lobby of a flashy hotel (but yes, still not a hotel). Check in at the front desk. A bellman will escort you to a curtained-off, white leather banquette where a man awaits. He’s your butler for the evening. Go ahead, let him buttle (also, let him bring you over paella and lobster mac).
Around 11pm, the lights will dim. A DJ will appear. And you’ll dance. Then, you’ll get thirsty. So you’ll order some “room service.” Or in this case, some Do Not Disturbs (made with rum and jalapeños) delivered to your table by a French maid.
Sure beats a minibar.