Monte Carlo. Macau. Atlantic City. Your Vegas backups all lack one thing: easy access from the Kennedy Expressway. Rivers Casino, opening Monday in Des Plaines, rectifies that. But before you go, we scouted the scene and ran the numbers. So to speak.

15.8: Miles from your office (well, assuming you’re the mayor of Chicago).
147,000: Square feet of casino at your disposal.
29.93: Percentage of those square feet devoted to gambling.
$100,000: Max bet in baccarat.
$50,000: Max bet in single-hand blackjack.
1:1: Chances you have a buddy with a system.
3:2: Chances said system is based on repeated viewings of Rain Man.
1,050: Slot machines on the premises.
1: Machines inspired by Patrick Swayze. (Yep, it’s Dirty Dancing.)
100x: Craps odds.
0.021: House edge on 100x craps.
99:1: Chances that anyone at the table really understands house edge.
6: Restaurants and bars on the scene.
1: Places where you can knock back a sidecar made with VSOP cognac, peach bitters and apricot jam (Lotus).
.5: Ounces of Lillet Blanc in a Vesper martini, should a sidecar with apricot jam prove insufficiently James Bond-ish.
1: Restaurants serving sautéed frogs’ legs, Alaskan king crab and Chicago-cut steaks (Hugo’s Frog Bar & Chop House).
$179: Price of Hugo’s appropriately named 34-ounce Colossal Lobster Tail & Turf.
179: Monday’s lucky number.