The Nolitan

No’ It All

A Nolita Hotel That’s Good at Taking Orders

None 3 Photos The Nolitan
Great vacation.

When you’re ready to plan another, let us know.

Because we’ve found what appears to be a subservient hotel...

Introducing The Nolitan, a boutique hotel where you’ll command the entire concierge service with the click of a mouse, taking reservations now for the end of the month.

We can see it already. It’s late July. Your apartment’s starting to take on many of the same qualities as the surface of the sun. And you’re sorely in need of a quick overnighter to change up the scenery. Requirements: a rain shower, freestanding soaking tub, personal iPad and access to an intimate rooftop party deck where the general laws of society need not apply.

So you’ll go ahead and reserve one of the 55 industrial-looking rooms (some are balcony appointed and one’s an oversized suite). But before it’s time for check-in, you’ll want to properly prepare the on-duty staff for your impending arrival by opening up an email and penning a strongly worded/graphically detailed missive.

Using the hotel pillow mint as a jumping-off point, you’ll write up a list (or select from an extensive amenities menu) of any services that your upcoming stay might require. This can range from a butler to unpack your bags, to a sex-toy-delivering bellhop, to a masseuse for your bull mastiff, to pretty much anything you wish.

But not a million wishes. That’s cheating.


The Nolitan
30 Kenmare St
(at Elizabeth St)
New York, NY, 10012


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