Of course, a little champagne might come in handy. And a masseuse wouldn't hurt either. Now if you just had a Segway...
Welcome to Spicers Canopy, a curiously upscale tent hotel in the wilds of Australia, taking reservations now.
Consider it a way to get back to nature without missing your weekly massage. By day, you'll have 9,000 acres of sun-baked wilderness to wander through: dozens of unexplored caves, a skeet-shooting range and a 4,000-foot mountain ripe for the climbing.
Drop the hosts a line and they'll have some champagne (and, less importantly, lunch) waiting for you when you get to the peak—on the off chance you don't catch your own supper on the way. If you've got a few friends along—and you don't mind a little anachronism—you can borrow a fleet of all-terrain Segways outfitted with mud-tread tires, and take to the mountain with technology on your side. Think of them as unusually effective Sherpas.
When you head back to camp for the night, you'll bed down in a genuine tent—meaning there's canvas walls and nothing but a mosquito net in front. But inside you'll find a leather couch and a king-size bed—in other words, something that looks an awful lot like a hotel room.
At this point, it's probably wise to stop pretending like you don't need much.