Before we go any further, let's be clear: this is not a recommendation.

All we're saying is that sometimes, in relationships, conversations get tabled. Feelings get bottled. And next thing you know, you're summoned to Bangkok for a symposium all without having "the talk."

And you know how these symposiums go... Totally off the grid for weeks at a time. No phones. No emails. No satellite... No way to communicate to your lover that it's over.

For these times, and only for these times, you need to know that iDUMP4U is an option. Please, break only in case of emergency.

The site is basically a guy named Brad in Iowa who thrives on doing the dirty work of others. He speaks gently. He has a soothing voice. And most important, he's direct, honest and surgical.

If things in the relationship are past the point of reasonable conversation, if you've used up your one phone call in the clink, or for those times when you're quickly entered into witness protection, you have our reluctant permission to call on Brad. You pay him 10 bucks (25 if you're engaged, 50 if you're married), and next thing you know, he's on the horn to your soon-to-be former paramour, telling it like it is, letting her down softly and explaining that it's not her, it's you.

And if you feel like a phone call from Iowa is a bit on the cold side, Brad will gladly fly in to New York to break the news in person (for the same $10 fee, plus airfare and hotel).

It's the least you can do.