So we're forced to go outside the bounds of common language and make some s*** up.
Prepare yourself for the majesty of the world's first megagastropub: it's called The Ainsworth and it soft opens on Wednesday in a big way (literally).
Imagine, if you will, the harmonious marriage of a gastropub and the sportsbook at Caesars—minus the gambling, smoking and velour jumpsuits—and you start to get an idea of the enormity of the Ainsworth.
When we tell you it's big, we mean it—we're talking 6000 square feet, 40 flat-screen TVs, wrought iron gates dividing three sections of the restaurant and a gigantic antique pinewood bar backed by antique mirrors and ornate black-gold wallpaper running the length of the space.
And this place is best used for casual bouts of spontaneous happy hour—just start with a few bourbons at the bar, and without knowing it, you'll likely end up staying for a few Miso Duck Spring Rolls and Pineapple Ribs before you realize there are 40 glistening new TVs quietly biding their time for football season above you.
So you'll be back, on the first Saturday of college football, or the first Sunday of the NFL, ready to soak in more football footage than Al Michaels with the sound on, as you snack on Lobster Po'Boys and Jumbo Burgers.
Let the games begin…