Food & Drink

Johnnie Walker Has a Girlfriend

It's Named Jane Walker and Could Be In Stores Soon

By Hadley Tomicki ·

Johnnie Walker is hiding something. But the day may come soon when the scotch of international renown lets down its hair to reveal Jane Walker, the feminine counterpart to its Black Label whisky.

Labels and trademarks filed with the US Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau were unearthed by TMZ, who note that the bottle will bear an image of a sharp-jawed woman in tails, tipping her top hat as she walks intently to go stomp the shit out of Scotland’s version of Paul Haggis with her riding boots.

Although details on the bottle’s exact contents still remain under wraps, the spirit was supposedly meant for a release upon Hilary Clinton’s election to the presidency in 2016 that never happened due to a irreparable tear in the time-space continuum. So instead of giving us a drink anyway, because we really fucking needed it, brand owner Diageo may have held the stuff back for a later release.

Which brings us to the timing of Jane Walker. As support swells behind the #metoo and #timesup movement, it’s hard not to see this as the whisky brand’s own volley into the conversation as much as it is a marketing ploy to sell a shit-ton of scotch.

At the same time, it is tempting to see the launch of a feminine whisky as pandering to its female customers, who we imagine, are fully able to enjoy Johnnie Walker if desired without feeling that the name, taken from the spirit’s founder, marginalizes them. reports that Diageo has a solid record on equality in the workplace and has awarded for gender parity in leadership and board roles, among other things. So hopefully, there’s more to the story here than just putting Jane in Johnnie’s drag, like perhaps placing women distillers at the forefront of this blend’s creation. Time will tell.

Current expectations find that Jane Walker could possibly drop on March 8, which is International Women’s Day.

Hadley Tomicki

Hadley Tomicki lives in Los Angeles. He is probably going nowhere on the 10 Freeway this very second.

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