Food & Drink

Penthouse Invented a Whiskey-Tequila Hybrid

Of Course It Did.

By Hadley Tomicki ·
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AGF / Contributor

Penthouse Magazine took a look at the world and decided it doesn’t like what it sees. So the 52-year-old porno magazine hatched a plan. A strategy to unite nations, to get people loving again.

It’s a whiskey tequila. That is, a united blend of tequila and whiskey meant to be sipped on its own or mixed up in your margaritas.

Looking at the spirit’s webpage, it quickly becomes apparent that one lucky Penthouse Forum writer recently had his day rerouted so he could concentrate on creating marketing materials for his employer’s new booze hybrid.

And the page is pure Penthouse, from the middle-aged Caucasians reigniting their flame in a generically tropical environment to the Trumpian gold-and-black color scheme.

There’s not a lot here that tells us about the actual spirit, though. Besides the already-assumed fact that the whiskey is from the U.S. and the tequila is from Mexico. Strangely, it was produced in Holland, where anything probably goes if you’re an industrious pornographer.

Words like “silky,” “world-class” and “fusion” are employed here with a totally straight face. Our local liquor storeowner essentially said, “It’s not bad,” while stopping short of saying it’s good, clarifying he has to stock the stuff to please a distributor.

The innovation of whiskey-tequila, coming way out of left field in an era of diminished returns for publishers and a tectonic shift in the way people consume pornography, is perhaps a shrewd one for Penthouse. As there are troubles that need drowning out there and you can’t get a free tequila-whiskey hybrid on PornTube. Yet.

But it’s hard to believe Penthouse’s endorsement is going to be a big game-changer for this titillating product in 2018. Once the brown paper bag comes off, you’ve still got a giant Penthouse logo all over your bottle of booze.

Meaning you’ve probably just upped the prospect that whoever you’re about to serve a nightcap may go running when they see it. 

Hadley Tomicki lives in Los Angeles. He is probably going nowhere on the 10 Freeway this very second.

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