Food & Drink

Yes, Your Bourbon Is Talking to You

The Rise of Smart Whiskey

By Hadley Tomicki ·
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Prediction: Loneliness will be cured in the 21st century.

Your Oral-B toothbrush has been Bluetoothed. The sex robots are on their way. Your Jim Beam is talking to you.

This last phenomenon comes courtesy of Jim, a so-called “smart” decanter that pours Jim Beam bourbon on demand.

It looks like an upright safety deposit box with the head of a traditional crystal decanter. Inside is an area for bourbon storage that appears to be refillable. And it talks. Just like Siri.

Only less like Siri and more like Sam Elliott. The gruff voice comes courtesy of Fred Noe, one of the brand’s master distillers. And according to a video on YouTube, it will answer your questions like only a pissed-off whiskey-making Kentuckian can.

“What’s the best way to drink bourbon?” asks the meathead in the video.

“Any damn way you please,” drawls Jim.

“Jim, I’m concerned that this administration's tax plan endangers the most vulnerable among our nation. What can we do to ensure that doesn't happen to our fellow citizens?"

“I don’t really get political.”

Okay, we made that one up. Anyway, even though there are people out there who count Jim Beam as their only friend, conversation is not necessarily this technological doohickey’s strong suit. So what is?

Pouring bourbon. The machine features a little, curved spout on the bottom that lets loose with a trickle of whiskey every time you tell it to, saving you the stress of opening a bottle and upending its full weight.

Of course, you will have to position your shot glass just so. And refill Jim every now and again. But in time, you may come to love his dry wit and straight-shooting.

At least until he shares all your personal information with your Roomba, who he’s emotionally cheating on your Alexa with.

If this thing is actually real, Jim Beam claims to be taking pre-orders for $34.90, while providing no link for doing so, because it probably isn’t.

Hadley Tomicki lives in Los Angeles. He is probably going nowhere on the 10 Freeway this very second.

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