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Overanalyzing Rosie Oliveira's Instagram

Drawing Wildly Irresponsible Conclusions About Miss Bumbum 2017, Via Her 'Gram

By Geoff Rynex ·
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Sometimes, in an attempt to sneak a peek into the interior lives of the rich and famous, we’re forced to launch an investigation into the evidence at the public’s disposal. By which we mean, grossly overanalyze whom these people choose to follow on Instagram.

Today, we take a look into the deep follows of one Rosie Oliveira, 28-year-old Brazilian journalist, model, sort of political activist and newly crowned owner of the official best rear end in Brazil at the 2017 Miss Bumbum contest, an honor they take suspiciously seriously down there. Let's see what Freud, Jung and Rogers have to say about the lass. Just kidding, let's dive headlong down the rabbit hole and bullshit this thing...

The Profile of Rosie Oliveira

Posts: 353
Followers: 115k
Following: 492


The Bell Curve

What’s notable about the Rosie’s average follow is what’s missing more than what’s there. There are a lot of Brazilian glossies and more homegrown models , a lot of Korean accounts for some reason, and swimwear and beauty brands, but basically no internationally known models, which means what we’ve got here is a highly decorated civilian. 


Outliers

@gheshan_1

A comedian and poet from the United Arab Emirates. I would love to know the backstory behind this follow, and I can’t even speculate. 

@noblejerky

For all those aspiring Miss Bumbum champs out there, apparently vegan jerky is such a part of the diet that it warrants an Instagram follow. 

@lorenn.banana_

Notable for the fact that her credo is “Trying to post as post as possible,” and having exactly three posts. This indicates Rosie’s willing to give a leg-up to a fellow burgeoning Instagram model. 

@ximon_yu

Boy if I had a nickel for every Brazilian ass contest winner-Gay Korean Youtube sensation relationship I’d uncovered doing these...

@voiceofthekurds

This is truly a mysterious woman and I can only guess that her follow of an account “posting about Kurds and Kurdistan and the problems in the middle east” is part of her reporting career. 

Diagnosis

Miss Bumbum2017 is an enigma. May we all someday have feeds populated by an international menagerie of jerkies, Arab poets and Kurdish lions.

Geoff Rynex is the only person named Geoff Rynex in the history of mankind. He would rather have the best burger than the best steak, likes hearing bartender stories and spends too much money on clothes.

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